delirium

2006-04-18T04:08:00.000-07:00

i find the number of funny people posting on my blog quite unnerving so i'm changing the address. you could ask me for the new address IF YOU DARE muahahahahaha :D

talentime

2006-04-11T08:09:00.000-07:00

the band was great. seriously, i don't think it possible to have played alongside any better people than you guys. enjoyed every moment of it :)

2006-03-27T06:24:00.000-08:00

i met with sam this saturday and he was talking about how when you do something for someone you hope that it is reciprocated, but that most of the time it isn't

i know how it feels and it is really frustrating :(

i've made a promise to myself that i'll try as hard as possible not to make anyone else feel the same way

2006-03-21T05:04:00.000-08:00

lalalalalala i wish i was in sec two

2006-03-12T01:17:00.000-08:00

Jesus, all for Jesus
all i am and have
and ever hope to be

all of my ambitions, hopes and plans
i surrender these
into Your hands

for it's only in Your will that i am free
for it's only in Your will that i am free

2006-02-27T06:22:00.000-08:00

oh how lucky i am

we're all living in amerika

2006-02-26T00:33:00.000-08:00

i realised i never made a post on my trip to america. but i'm really lazy to write properly so i'll try to compensate with 4329587984375049 pictures. thousand apologies to those who get lagged up because of the multiple photos haha

pictures with people:

on the statue of liberty

marcus, elliot and i

marcus, astronaut and i

pictures without people that i took which i think are nice:

wall street

outside a subway station

subway train

some cool restaurant

their orchard road

the top of my sisters head and my foot in our hotel room. haha

amerika is wunderbar :)

the fools paradise

2006-02-22T07:49:00.000-08:00

hope always seems to double cross me.

the more hope i place in something, the harder i hit the ground when it is shattered.
maybe i am an insignificant little dork who tries too hard.

just maybe.

that's the screwed up thing isn't it? not knowing when to persist, or when to quit.

maybe i never should have spoken and forever held my peace.

decapitation

2006-02-19T00:39:00.000-08:00

what happens when those people you turn to for leadership seem equally lost and absolutely clueless of what to do?

when all your respect for a person is shattered in a single moment of his indecision, when his seemingly invincible facade is torn and you're rudely awakened to the fact that he bleeds too.

betrayal, maybe?

that you've been decieved into following someone who actually is groping around in the dark and is just as unsure as you are. then you begin to question why you chose to follow him in the first place. just because the both of you had the same end in mind, and he seemed to have an inkling more of an idea than you of how to get there, you stuck behind him, perhaps too close behind, that he obscured your vision and brought you even deeper into the muck. and when the complexities of the circumstances overwhelm his calm assurance, you find yourself there feeling lost, betrayed and decieved.

i think it's high time we start realising that leaders have emotions too. they stumble, and they cry, just like everyone of us. they aren't just cyborgs who analyse, re-analyse and then determine the next most feasible and sensible step to take. they aren't machines able to fathom every cause and effect. they are, after all, just people.

so next time you want to kill that bastard (whom you called a leader) for courting you with judas' kiss, please do think again.

2006-02-14T02:37:00.000-08:00

!!!

to no avail

2006-02-03T07:11:00.000-08:00

here i am sitting in my chair, on friday night, waiting for something to happen

my schoolwork is going no where, and i'm in a daze when i sit through tutorials because very often i only barely know whats happening. physics test 7/24. chem test 6/28. econs test 4/20 (and i'm supposed to be an S paper student). if these tests are any indication of how i'll fare this year, i guess i'm pretty screwed

hockey isn't going half as well as i want it to, but maybe i just set my expectations too high and end up getting disappointed all the time

guitar playing (which ranks really highly in terms of importance :) is at its bare minimum and i think my playing ability has degenerated into the cesspits of punk rock

and i've been dogged by this irritating flu for the past few weeks that prevents me from training/running as hard as i want to and as well as i want to

ah well i guess there's alot of other things i should be happy about so i shan't be greedy and covet what i can never get and just focus on seeing to things i can change, and then i'll be a happy cheerful person with not a care in the world

but i still am sitting here waiting for something to happen

ziggy stardust

2006-01-30T08:09:00.000-08:00

Ziggy played guitar, jamming good with Weird and Gilly
and the spiders from Mars. he played it left hand
but made it too far
became the special man, then we were Ziggy's band

Ziggy really sang, screwed up eyes and screwed down hairdo
like some cat from Japan, he could lick 'em by smiling
he could leave 'em to hang
they came on so loaded man, well hung and snow white tan

so where were the spiders while the fly tried to break our balls
just the beer light to guide us,
so we bitched about his fans and should we crush his sweet hands?

Ziggy played for time, jiving us that we was voodoo
the kids was just crass. he was the nazz
he took it all too far, but boy could he play guitar
making love with his ego, Ziggy sucked up into his mind
like a leper messiah
when the kids had killed the man I had to break up the band

Ziggy played guitar
by David Bowie

chinese new year

2006-01-27T21:37:00.000-08:00

S&M

chinese new year's here!

but i'm just not experiencing that festive feeling. maybe i'll start to feel it when i get my hong baos haha

2006-01-18T05:51:00.000-08:00

you just say hi and it makes my day

2006-01-10T00:23:00.000-08:00

he who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

i will say of the Lord, "he is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom i trust."

surely he will save you from the fowlers snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

he will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

you will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,

nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

a thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

you will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

if you make the Most High your dwelling-
even the Lord, who is my refuge-

then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.

for he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

you will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

"because he loves me," says the Lord, "i will rescue him;
i will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

he will call upon me, and i will answer him;
i will be with him in trouble,
i will deliver him and honour him

with long life will i satisfy him
and show him my salvation"

Psalm 91

lynova

2006-01-02T06:38:00.000-08:00

how cool is that!

back to the grind

2006-01-02T00:46:00.000-08:00

i think it apt to post an entry the day before the school year starts, my A level year at that. well i'm going back without having done ANY of my homework, and without having looked through ANY of my notes at all. i'm actually surprised i can string a coherent sentence together. so well needless to say i'm freaking scared and i really hope i can clear the backlog of work especially with orientation + hockey training.

and its like the second day of the new year. quite dumb how school brings such an abrupt close to new year festivities. okay every new year heralds like a hoarde of new year resolutions, most of which i never stick to, so i shall start with just one this year which is to reply all my text messages and to return missed calls. i think my frequent bouts of un-contactability have pissed a few people off already haha.

just looking at the year ahead i think its gonna be one heck of a psychotic year. theres A levels theres church theres guitar theres hockey theres running theres family theres friends (not in order of importance) ... this years gonna past really quickly, i just hope at the end of it i can look back and be proud of what i did through the year

youth camp

2005-12-12T20:59:00.000-08:00

youth camp was great.

i think all the campers had a great time and took away an unforgettable experience from the camp. an image from the first night worship has been etched vividly in my mind, as i stood on stage with my guitar and saw everyone there so focused and engrossed, the atmosphere was really intense and moving. i won't forget that for a long time to come.

my group was great too. even though i didn't get to spend much time with them. alot of jokers, but yet they all were serious when they needed to be and all of them really showed great commitment and strength of spirit (especially on the war games night heheh). i really was impressed at how well the group just fit in together and had such a great time working together. kudos to eric and elliot for doing such a great job leading all of us.

i also really respect the rest of the camp committee for doing their jobs so well, working so hard and more often than not sacrificing their personal interests so that the rest of the campers could have a great time. and as we worked late into the night till like 1 - 2 am almost every night i felt that we really drew closer to each other in those 2 or 3 hours in a way that spending a few years together as normal friends could not have brought us. all of us really found joy in our work although we were tired, sometimes dejected and discouraged. i think you guys did a great job.

well most of my life as i knew it for the holidays culminated in these 5 days of camp, and although in some ways i'm glad it is over i'm beginning to miss it already.

that is why i'm baking a cake now out of sheer boredom. haha.

2005-12-01T07:01:00.000-08:00

sometimes i don't think its even worth trying

carls junior

2005-11-10T07:50:00.000-08:00

abit blurry, but oh well

well the breakfast club guys went down to carls jr for dinner tonight. it was great to finally have kok wai and bryan back with us after such a long ummm absence. we had a great time fooling around even two of us had our OPs the next day. i had so much fun with these guys our 4 years in sji its unnerving to think of what it would be like when all of us no longer can meet up and joke around. already we've lost two of them.

I MISS THE SJI DAYS!

litany against fear

2005-11-09T18:46:00.000-08:00

i must not fear
fear is the mind-killer
fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration
i will face my fear
i will permit it to pass over me and through me
and when it has gone past i will turn the inner eye to see its path
where the fear has gone there will be nothing
only i will remain

i'm in love

2005-11-08T23:31:00.000-08:00

nothing comes close

confusion

2005-10-31T06:14:00.000-08:00

how how how? i don't know what to do. i don't think i'll ever reach the dangling carrot

chinese rocks

2005-10-25T04:39:00.000-07:00

argh

i got kinda bored while doing a chinese paper.

ao chinese is less than a week away, and i'm no more prepared than i was at the start of the year. i may even be worse off. nevermind, i shall be a good boy and do all my zuo wens and hopefully i'll get a D7.

people are strange

2005-10-23T10:28:00.000-07:00

people are strange when you're a stranger,
faces look ugly when you're alone
women seem wicked when you're unwanted,
streets are uneven when you're down,
when you're strange
faces come out of the rain when you're stranger
no one remembers your name when you're strange
when you're strange
when you're strange

a stranger in the dark

2005-09-11T05:45:00.000-07:00

a vestige of love,
an overbearing silence
is all that remains

a torn canvas
in it's scarred beauty,
an unerasable memory

butterflies in my stomach,
on the edge of nausea
but the thought still makes me happy

sweetness

2005-09-09T18:43:00.000-07:00

bloodied bodies blaring blatant belligerence

2005-09-04T08:27:00.000-07:00

i actually witnessed an accident a couple of weeks ago, at the t-junction of holland road and some other road i can't recall the name of. but well, it was close to holland village. so there we were on the road perpendicular to holland rd, and the lights turned green. the car right at the lights started moving and then. bang. the car got smashed by an oncoming lorry. yes, the lorry jumped the lights. i was kinda stunned for a moment, the surreality of the situation getting to me.

as my dad drove past i was able to get a clearer assessment of the situation. the dilapidated silver proton was a complete wreck, and it lay crumpled from the sheer size of the truck that hit it. the windshield was smashed and the doors were kinda flung opened. the bonnet of the car was completely destroyed and reduced to a little pile of metal. the truck driver had already gotten out of his vehicle, on the phone, and at the same time was peering into the twisted heap of metal that lay before him. and on the idiot truck drivers face was a look of grief, probably from the realisation of the amount of trouble he was in. well i guess it's the victims' way of bringing swift reprisal upon him without meaning it. if that makes any sense at all. and i THINK i saw in the backseat of the car, a woman and two little kids, immobile. and i also THINK i saw blood. damn that was one of the most saddening moments of my life and i had difficulty trying not to curse the truck driver for the scum he is.

well, i still shudder when i think about it, and though it's been at the back of my mind, it's been slowly gnawing away at my conscience. i find it quite difficult to accept that i may have no control over my life. yes, i'm certain of what will happen to me after death, but it's still hard to grapple with, that alot of the stuff you work for is, erm, useless rubbish that can be lost in a moment of not only yours, but another person's negligence/ignorance/selfishness/abuse/etc.

that's the scary thing eh?

endure

2005-08-25T06:26:00.000-07:00

technique will conquer strength
self control will defeat arrogance

destructive fixture

2005-08-06T01:28:00.000-07:00

bus rides are bad.

especially when you're pissed off and your ipod's battery is flat.

my irrational musings were catalysed by the 171 trip.
i had previously gotten up the bus a
confused fool not knowing what to be angry at.
i alighted still a confused fool,
albeit thinking i knew where to direct my anger.

i just hated the feeling of being trampled all over.
i try really hard to mind my words. and actions. so that i don't get people angry or worked up.
then some guy comes along and does the exact opposite of what i try to avoid.
and no, it's not just some slip of tongue or sleight of hand. it is blatant disregard for someone's interests.
that really made me writhe.
i hope i don't come of sounding like an angel of some sort but that really was what i felt.

a short walk temporarily allievated my destructive fixture and brought me home.

back to a hundred more questions.

death

2005-07-25T06:22:00.000-07:00

i just saw linus at the hospital today. really glad that he was fine and happy.

then my attention was drawn to the withered old people around him. they lay crumpled and frail in their own beds, and the only sounds they made were the periodic coughs through their heavy and laboured breathing. most of them seemed companionless, and content with the momentary solace they found in the comfort of their beds.

it set me thinking. how much i would hate to be in that position. immobile and unable to do anything. void of emotion, and indifferent to anything around me. and i really can't imagine what it would be like as a terminal patient. literally living to die. i guess at a point in time, death becomes something to be embraced. after all, so much more awaits us after death.

PICS!

2005-07-13T06:56:00.000-07:00

okay fine. pic.

carpe diem

2005-07-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

why is it i feel that i feel that most of my actions are inconsequential?

so many things get thrust in my face so quickly that i end up making decisions which would gain me the most momentary pleasure. or those which would minimise the most momentary pain.

pain and pleasure alike, are just experiences. experiences that will be forgotten. experiences that will have no effect whatsoever in the future. that's why i find people who live in pursuit of carnal pleasures, people who live just to intoxicate their senses kinda weird. their life's greatest climax will just be another experience, another memory which will die with them, or which may perish even before they do.

but sometimes i do wonder whether ultimately these people would have lived their lives more fully, by going by the desires of the flesh. but i guess it is just the selfish side of me which wants some of this sensuality. some of this demented "fun".

but my counter argument always prevails. i think i would be happiest, living for others. i think then there's always that craving to help, which cannot be filled. that insatiable hunger to see someone else happy. something that i would constantly work towards but never reach. kind of like chinese lessons. you keep waiting for the bell to go, keep trying to buy time, but you know it'll never end. but the thought of the bell ringing makes you happy even though you'll never reach there.

i mean, people who live for sensory experiences, move from little things, like alcohol, on to drugs, on to other weird stuff, until death is the only experience great enough to stimulate them. so they commit suicide. like how kurt cobain died. he tried looking for new experiences to keep him high. but when he found there was nothing more to experience, death beckoned. and he answered that call.

so i shall be happy and help others and suppress the other side. i'll fix my eyes not on what is seen but is unseen. for what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal.

sometimes i wish i was just that ignorant little computer-playing, childish, stupid, immature guy i was in sec2. that was bliss. but that bliss wasn't eternal.

when the children cry

2005-07-10T06:48:00.000-07:00

Little child dry your crying eyes
How can I explain the fear you feel inside
Cause you were born into this evil world
Where man is killing man and no one knows just why
What have we become just look what we have done
All that we destroyed you must build again

Little child you must show the way
To a better day for all the young
Cause you were born for all the world to see
That we all can live with love and peace
No more presidents and all the wars will end
One united world under God

What have we become just look what we have done
All that we destroyed you must build again
No more presidents and all the wars will end
One united world under God

When the children cry let them know we tried
When the children fight let them know it ain't right
When the children pray let them know the way
Cause when the children sing then the new world begins

by White Lion

kinda what i felt when those bastard terrorists hit london

nostalgia

2005-07-10T05:13:00.000-07:00

renaissance was sweet

well, not so much because of the music. i was thrilled to be back in SJI again.

when i stepped into the gates, the familiarity of the surrounding brought about a wonderful sense of comfort, and sweet reminiscence. i don't know why, but i just felt this ethereal attachment to the school.

i spent 4 years of my life there. but the memories contained within those walls made it seem like so much longer.

it's like the elation you get when you meet up with one of your friends. brings back old memories. but going back to sji, brought back memories of so many great guys. so many great times. i was ecstatic

and the pride i felt as i sang the school rally was immense. seeing all the josephians around me, present and past, singing their hearts out truely convinced me of what i great school i was privilidged to be in. i was really glad that i went to sji, and given the choice, would've gone no where else.

Hail hail, alma mater
Hail to SJI
We'll hold your banner high with pride,
a shield of green and white
We'll fight to keep your glory bright,
and never shall we fail,
Hail to thee our alma mater,
Hail! Hail! Hail!

damn, i'll miss that place

i'm on my way, but i don't know where i'm going

2005-07-03T05:49:00.000-07:00

busy week.

i bought my guitar :) :)

she's pretty ain't she.

i finally got common tests out off my way, although i'm pretty much screwed, i'm still happy that it's one less thing to worry about.

and best of all, this week was youth sunday. the stuff went pretty well overall, even though i felt kinda crappy half way through, that shitty feeling i always seem to get when i play (although it's only been twice). but everything was good once it was outta tha way. i enjoyed it.

after i worked my way through all this stuff, i was expecting some kind of surreal peace to descend on me, and i was picturing in my mind some kind of utopian sanctuary in which i could bum around to my hearts content.

but a strange sense of weirdness after everything was done shattered that image. that same weirdness that compelled me to write this.

i practiced a few days for youth service.
i studied a week for my common test.
i waited 6 months for my guitar.

but i didn't feel like i am any different from what i would have been 6 months ago. i feel like i just got so caught up with whatever i was doing, with the stuff on hand, that i just did it not knowing what implications they would have. and they don't seem to have any.

i'm on my way, but i don't know where i'm going.

bummer

2005-06-28T02:59:00.000-07:00

look at the poem i wrote haha.

I look at the clock
and, oh golly!
I just spent an hour and a half
mucking around in my folly

Thirty minutes to go
and what a sight to behold!
I stare blankly at my paper
as it stares blankly back at me

The bell goes
it seals my fate
Heck,
i'm late for my date

that's what i got from 3 minutes of being too bored
exams suck. look at what i'm doing when i really should be studying

haha

2005-06-21T04:11:00.000-07:00

i found this amusing. haha.

2005-06-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

NJ culture is finally getting to me
it's messing with my mind,
twisting my intellect.

i actually felt HAPPY to get home from malaysia so i could start studying.
i actually felt PROUD of how much work i did today.

i guess it's a change for the better

the ramones

2005-06-20T01:47:00.000-07:00

yeah. i've finally figured out how to post pics.

i'm back

2005-06-20T01:22:00.000-07:00

i've decided to start posting serious stuff. really.

The brainchild of boredom concieved by retardation

2004-12-23T06:54:00.000-08:00

Hi. Guess what? I'm back! yay... okay so I thought it was kinda dumb to have a one entry blog so I'm writing a second. I'm so impressed with the number of people who've tagged my board. Been moved close to tears really. Stay tuned for more! hahaha

tata

Test test...

2004-11-09T13:26:00.000-08:00

yes, i have finally decided to yield to my inner demons of conformity and set up a blog. i also figured this would be a good way to prevent my brain from degenerating to it's demise during the holidays. once my lazy, computer illiterate, self has gotten this thing figured out, i will try to post some other stuff. this blog was created because i'm utterly bored to death now, so guess you'll pretty much be able to figure out the kind of stuff you'll find here.

tata.